Patriotism FAIL   Leave a comment

So, now that my roommate is gone and I’ll never see him ever again, I feel it’s high time I post this. I wrote this back in September, when the guy who shows up every fall selling flags in front of the Union made his annual visit. The evening after the flag-monger’s visit, I came back to my dorm room to find this thing hanging on my roommate’s side of the wall:

Now, don’t get the wrong idea, my roommate was a nice guy. It’s just that he obviously has terrible taste in certain things. Because let’s face it – this flag is an embarrassment to everything associated with it.

First of all, there’s the unabashedly obnoxious jingoism of the thing – presented through the un-ironic use of something as thoroughly hackneyed as the old “America – Love It or Leave It” adage, no less.

Secondly, we have the incredibly crappy clipart-looking eagle that’s been plastered on the flag, whose talons look like the feet of an ankylosaurus.

Then there are those six tiny little red stars that have been added to the left side of the banner for no apparent reason.

There’s the wobbly outline of the banner which isn’t quite up to snuff.

And, of course, the real humdinger: the fact that the flag in the background only loosely resembles the actual American flag. Take a look at the stripes on this ersatz Old Glory: they’re in the wrong order! On a real American flag, the top stripe is red. Red, not white. This flag, then, is the ideal flag for the red-blooded patriot who loves Old Glory but who’s too stupid to know what it actually looks like.

Last, but certainly not least, we have this little gem, which might help explain some of the other peculiarities of this flag:

I’m sorry for wasting your time with my play-by-play rundown of this nonsense, but it was just too ridiculous not to share. As far as the roommate went: while we didn’t hit it off at all – actually, we hardly ever even spoke to each other – I have almost no complaints about sharing a room with him other than this.

:: Disclaimer :: For the record, I’m not an America-hater. As a matter of fact I have my own American flag, which I received when I earned the rank of Eagle Scout and which I have hanging from the house. So I’m not bashing America here. I’m just suggesting that if you want to show your pride in being American, you do so in a way that doesn’t make you look like an arrogant jerk or an ignorant doofus – or, in this case, both.


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